Amazing that such deep moments can happen where I spend the leaast amount of time, daily. Whether it’s because I am alone or lacking  distractions, this is where they happen. From topics to write about to the deppeest memories of my dad, they all can occur in this 15 minute widow outside of my life. Some of my hardest cries and most painful moments have come running out  as the water hits my closed eyes and the suds run down my face. These are memories that have not come to mind when I was out and about and/or actually free writing.

This is one of those rare moments where anything can come out. Some are happy such as all of the irreplaceable memories with my dad and the most painful of like when I lost him.  The other variety is new ideas and writing topics. At least a handful of times I have come running out of the shower for my laptop to make sure I get an idea on written down, such as this.

I assume this happens because it’s when I am truly alone with my thoughts. Zero distractions occur there except for the water.

Once I decided this was too big of an event to keep to myself I began to discover, I’m not the only one. I found that out of the five people I discussed this with, three of them had experienced the same event. That being said, why have I never heard this, read about it or casually discussed it? To that, I have no answers, yet.

It would be quite surprising if nobody had run a study in this regard. If children are being born daily in water (water birth) than this needs to be looked at.

What I have found is, the less we distract ourselves, the more time we have to view our true selves.

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It was August 23rd, 2012 when I was first introduced to SmartThings on Kickstarter. Take everyday objects and make them smarter was the thought the really struck home. I am constantly looking over devices and wishing they did this or just had that. All of which seem like minor changes in the big sceme of things. SmartThings does just that out of the box and ultimately removes me from the process.

If technology can handle the mundane repetitive daily tasks, why not? I canremember trying to accomplish some of these tasks back in the 90′s with Radio Shack’s Plug n Power system.  It was a dumb system meaning it required the user to physically turn on/off each device. It was the first step, so I wont take shots on the user experience but boy have things become smarter. 

With my SmartThings system when I walk in the door, my living room and bedroom lights turn on. Then when my phone receives an immediate sms notification that someone has entered the home. At this point the system is aware of my presence and switches it’s mode to Home. Corresponding changes also take place for example I no longer receive notifications when someone enters. ADP couldn’t acknowledge an event that quickly on its best day. That being said, I see no reason to have a monthly charge for a security system that accomplishes less than half of what my system is capable of. This system’s intelligence is almost beyond smart.

It’s so open to customization it almost relies on the community to reach the most intricate of tasks. SmartThings already works with dozens of existing devices including door locks, motion sensors and in-wall light switches. All apps have the ability to be tweaked and reapplied to whatever you can come up with. For example my “Bon Voyage” app is used as a welcome home utility after some tweaking. Basically, I chose this app because it was accomplishing precisely what I was looking for and once I messed around with it and renamed it accordingly,  it represents a welcome activity turning on lights and a different mode selection.

On the contrary, when I leave, it knows and changes settings at home I may have overlooked. Turning off specific lights, while turning on others for the dog. Simple, robust and fully customizable, the smarter life is here. I walked in with my hands full today and the house said, “Let there by light!” and it was glorious (it also followed up with a txt.)

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While explaining to a friend why I have no interest in ever owning a home I realized something huge. The only thing in my life I truly rely on being there for the long haul, is my wife. Electronics along with most possessions are unboxed with an immediate shelf life in mind for me. For example, my iPad Mini had an offer within a mont of purchasing it. The guy wants one and knows that I treat all of my devices like newborns and maintain them until they are sold. As with most things we own, a newer better version is already in the making by the time we own the current model. He has also purchased numerous devices from me previously. After realizing how these all coincide with each other I know why I dont want a house. This is where clarity really sunk in.

I made an easy decision to not have a back yard or car, for newly renovated and elevators. I can see both sides of this but I grew up with one and have grown up with the other. It’s my adult years where clarity set in and I have learned to appreciate the things in life that make my 9 to 5 easier. Such as help with laundry since we have wash and fold services that pickup and drop-off same day, grocery shopping is web based with next day delivery and building maintenance with keys to the home for minor issues 24/7 surveillance and recording take the concerns away. Odd jobs are handled securely without my direct involvement, perfection.

Just like my toys my home would be a temporary solution that I would have a plan on getting rid of but it takes many more steps, people involved and paperwork. Whereas an apartment is a yearly obligation that only requires a minor negotiation and signature, perfect. If i decide I want to be in a new neighborhood, I have a year to figure out where and how. The biggest advantage is when something breaks, I am not responsible for the repairs, when I forget my keys someone is there to help, when I need a package signed for, they are that for that too. These are all things I have grown to appreciate more and more. I wouldn’t say I am spoiled, rather, I know what I want and it’s not a home, it’s a doorman. My clarity comes directly from that thought.

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Those who use coasters will look for a coaster and then ask for one if they didn’t find it. Those who dont, wont. It’s similar to those who do not pick up after themselves at home, they won’t do it in your home. It all goes back to the old saying “it’s all in the upbringing” but boy is it frustrating to be on the other side. Some people are just messy and disorganized and that is just fine with them. My issue is how does society accept this? I am quite sure there are many people with the same “neat freak” tendencies as I and what do they do, how do they control themselves and most importantly, how do they approach telling others to stop leaving a trail of trash behind?

When some, not all, guests make themselves at home it can get ugly. The wrappers, food they picked up on the way over but didn’t finish and half drank glasses of whatever all over the place, I have my work cut out. It’s bothersome and tiring but I would rather see them and do it than avoid them. My true frustration is not in the work load it’s more in understanding how at this age these things happen. It cannot be all in the upbringing as we learn to adapt to societal standards as adults. Hell, I was a latchkey kid and I’ve got it together.  Granted I was messy until I hit my mid twenties and things drastically changed in this realm. It was not a choice but more of a responsibility as I enjoy pride and it’s tough to have without the effort.

A friend of mine who has the clean tick, is beautifully blunt about it. I respect this approach and try to gingerly use it in my own way. This is not to be confused with a passive aggressive approach as I am direct but respectful to an extent. Clearly, this is easier said than done. I am a bit over the top in my practices but it’s done with a positive result in mind. If my house is clean I am calmer, it’s ready for people to pop in and visit and not for nothing, I have an autoimmune disease so it can only help. Not to mention it also feels nice when you hear how clean you keep your home and see how impressed friends are when they visit. These things all add up to a feeling of pride which I can only assume goes right over some.

I embrace my neurosis and it keeps me calm, thus verifying it’s not that bad. This is clearly why I would always rather have friends come visit us than to venture out into a mess. I would rather be busy running around and serving friends than the alternative. At the end of the day, you should still show you care about someone else’s home by making an effort as we are adults.

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As you know I live and love technology. If it’s new and exciting I have already read about it, pre-ordered it and know exactly what I want from it. The other side of that coin is that if it’s a refresh (a new version of an existing product) I most likely have a buyer for the old one. This is how I cycle through my electronics. Others with a similar techno lust have a museum of antiquated electronics. I can see how it would be cool but my way is much more financially sound and organized.

As much as enjoy this world I am in I have just experienced something related to technology that saddened me. I started to think about how we have transitioned in our everyday relationships with technology. It is now being adapted into all aspects of our lives and we really have no choice but to appreciate and incorporate it. We transition along with the changes but miss changes along the way.

This evening I was chatting with a close friend when she dropped off line, mid sentence. I figured her computer crashed and she’d be back in a couple minutes. A couple minutes have come and gone so I thought I would txt her and see if I could be of assistance, until I realized, I didn’t have her number. This is not someone I just met and we hadn’t exchange everything yet, this was a personal friend of mine who I chat with multiple times a week. After looking through my phone I began to accept that she was not the only one and this is a valid change taking place before my eyes.

When I think back to when I worried my phone would be bombarded with telemarketers, now I would rather that than spam. Phone calls can be ignored but email is much more in your face and has to be dealt with. I could ignore it on my phone but it’s waiting on my iPad and laptop. Our devices with their constant connectivity make it much harder to disconnect and walk away from. Phone calls, not so much as I have one phone. Due to the influx of spam I have been forced to go through roughly a dozen email address’s as my primary and close out those that have been taken over. On the other hand, my phone number has been my mine for over a decade! Let the calls flow in if that means my email stays clean. Sadly, this is not a valid trade and it will not be an option. This is not me being uncomfortable with change just annoyed with the practices of advertisers.

These days, name and email address suffice for contact info and I think this should minimize typos.

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Most of the time we can acknowledge a problem and take the necessary steps in correcting it, problem solved. The caveat to this rule from what I have experienced may be the internets ability to harp on topics and make the minimal out to the be the worst. Initially when I was DX’d I went directly home to look for help and like most others these days, that was the internet. There is a community for what ales you and becomes an open environment to complain in. What most people do not discuss are the stressful effects of acknowledging the problems. Multiple Sclerosis for instance is exacerbated by stress and the forums are dedicated to harping on all bad side effects of everything MS, thus contributing to onsets of the dreaded relapse.

The biggest problem is those who sit and complain to the masses via social networks. People literally stay on these forums for hours because they can vent and be surrounded by others with a boatload to complain about and then it just unravels to bitching instead of helping. Nobody wants to feel alone but it’s far too easy to get wrapped in the endless circle of complaints. It’s all encompassing and the complainers become the go to people for how to handle these problems along with the generic “we’ll pray for you” replies. At least at a real meeting you get free coffee and cookies.

Bottom line is the websites are always available and so are the people that frequent them making the relationship unavoidable. If true support is what you are looking for, I would suspect the real life groups would be the best direction. Hypothetically, giving one hour a week has to be better for your well being than countless hours on web forums chock full of people complaining and contrasting issues. These people are not doctors but all have opinions so strong you would think they know what they are talking about.

When I first received my DX my neurologist told me  to avoid the forums and groups. As with most things I am told to do, I did the polar opposite. It quickly took over my free time and attention. Worst part was the psychosomatic affects others problems had on me. All of the sudden we were all the same and miserable. Take a step back now and avoid the unnecessary pain and stress, we all know this comes with enough of those on it’s own.

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We experience changes on a daily basis. So, this will not be about those little ones. This is taking a look at the long term changes that had a much deeper impact. For example when you are a child you think your friends will always be your friends.. After numerous years of knowing people you may see that those friends do not actually bring anything to the table. It’s these types that tend to need cleaning.

Reality such as this really hits home when you world is shook. Recently, this is precisely what happened to me. These were people that I had gone out of my way to help within the passed months when they needed it. The event that occurred was, I lost my father to cancer two days before my 30th birthday. The flood of phone calls and messages from people both near and far was touching on a very meaningful level, except from some that I arrogantly relied on. It was these people who felt an email and a online comment would be enough. These were also people I considered family for over a decade. Floored by this lack of caring, they have cleaned themselves out of my life. It’s sad to see relationships you would always think would be there go to waste. Once I spoke with others who are familar with both sides I was bluntly told “you grew up and they, did not.” It took me back but when I thought about it, she was right. These people have never really done anything with life, challenged themselves or succeeded. Surrounding yourself with mediocrity will only bring you down.

It helped with the transition of building stronger more meaningful relationships with friends who care. I have many friends that know without hesitation if they ever needed help they could call me, for anything. I am extremely reliable and love helping others so I thought when a devastating event happened they would do the right thing. It’s not about being available, having funds or being an adult. Sadly, it’s being human.

In terms of emotions, anger has got nothing on being hurt by those you love. That is why as I write this it truly saddens me to think that I have to do this. Sadly, I think they have no idea how devastating this was but as they say, it it didn’t kill me it only made me stronger. Whoever “they” were, they were right.

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This is not my normal post but it’s still very important to help them. Above is a link to the group I am working with and all of the funds raised go directly to the program. It’s for The Chill Foundation whose goal is to help change lives since 1995. Any group that helps brings kids to sports they would otherwise never experience, feed them, get them the gear and supply them with self confidence is a winner to me. I can’t imagine anyone who would not want to help kids and the term every dollar counts has never meant more. From the bottles of water on the bus to the snow pants they wear we need to have it all for them. Please look deep into your heart and make a donation.

Thank you all,

Noah

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This is what happens when you’re out of control and don’t notify others!

I have been snowboarding for over 15 years and loved every moment of it. Nothing makes me more relaxed and happy but as with anything, that can change. This year was my first opprotunity to go out West and experience some real snow, beautiful views and huge altitude as opposed to what I’ve grown up with out East. This snow felt great and was soft to the touch, basically otherworldly to me.

For years I had talked about going out West as I have heard from every skier I know it’s unlike anything I have experienced. For the first time, I agreed. I got out there and upon exiting the plane I took a deep breathe, the air was so clean that it almost made me cough. Mountains were all painted white along with everything on the ground. I had never seen anything like it, for me it was perfect. When I stepped out of the log cabin house we were staying at and held my breathe, for the first time I experienced silence. It was almost scary as I truly heard nothing. This trip was exactly what I had imagined and even more relaxing.

All of these feelings took an abrupt turn when a thirty something year old woman lost control at the top of a 10,450 ft mountain. It was a long wrap around traverse that bordered the edge of the mountain. Incredible view, soft snow and not a cloud in the sky. It was truly the best day of riding I’ve had in all my years on a board. As I came around a turn, out of nowhere this out of control skier hit me from behind at full force and without a peep. Why she was not screaming LOOK OUT or just out of fear is beyond me. I went from riding to laying flat out yelling having no clue what had just occured. I looked in front of me and there was one ski,  than 10 yards up another and then thirty yards away from me was a woman who looked baffled. Within moments she was surrounded by a handful of friends she had been skiing with while I laid there trying to get up.

I got back on my board and rode past her and to the nearest lift. When I got down I caught up with my wife and her brother and unclipped. I needed to lay out and catch my breathe. I was shook up and my back was hurting. A guy in line over heard me explaining what had just happened and he happened to be an off duty ski patrolman from New York. We are everywhere is the first thing that crossed my mind. I spoke to him for a while as I sat there and he talked me into taking a sled down. This was nothing I had ever experienced, they clipped me to a back board and to the sled. One skier behind, one up front and away we went. Blasting down diamond runs and each time i looked up it was a more challenging terrain. I never thought you could have an adrenaline rush while someone else controlled your fate. The Ski Patrol at Jackson Hole is the most professional and helpful group I have ever met.

We got to the bottom of the mountain and I was checked out and leaving shortly thereafter. Within a few days the pain was gone and all i could think about was this great experienced that ended because nobody yelled. Most of the time yelling is unnecessary but this was the absolute exclusion to the rule.

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Since Paleo has reversed all of my MS ailments, I cant imagine getting off this drug to be a bad thing. That was until I read up on what to expect coming off it, including the 40% chance of strong relapses. Again, I am doing great so I expect to be in the 60% that just waits the 3-6 months while it gets out of my system and prep for whatever is next. I knew all the risks of getting onto this treatment but never did any of the three neurologists I saw mention that when you come off you may have issues. So far, I am 6 weeks between treatments only because I joined my wife’s insurance and the old drug has yet to be approved. Guess the timing was meant to be.

UPDATE: It seems the doctor misread my PML results and after all this stress of changing drugs, I don’t need to. I was than informed that the newer drug is not as strong and could have caused unnecessary relapses. At the time it was worth the risk as opposed to the injectable treatments. You would think someone who treats MS patients, who specifally have bad reactions to stress, would be much more careful of such mistakes. I even filled out all of the paperwork for new drug approval.

Now that the holidays and treats are over my Paleo is back into high gear and the gym follows. The only way I can encourage survival is to treat my body the best way possible. Luckily, it comes easier with practice.

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